


Old Times' Sake

by severity_softly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adultery, Breathplay, Dark, Dark Remus Lupin, Dubious Consent, M/M, Prostitution (sort of), Rimming, Suicidal Thoughts, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 12:24:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5708002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/severity_softly/pseuds/severity_softly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Remus turns to Severus for his potion even after everything Severus has done, Remus isn't sure what he trusts, or wants, Severus to do more - help him or kill him. He just never expected Severus would ask for the payment he does. (Originally published December 2007. Deathly Hallows compliant.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Times' Sake

**Author's Note:**

> Much thanks to enigmalea for the beta! Written as a merry_smutmas 2007 gift for snegurochka_lee. :)

Wolfsbane, when brewed improperly, could kill. It wasn't as though Remus didn't know this already. It was simply that he'd never had to experience the negative effects of ingesting copious amounts of aconite before. The potion was relatively new, after all, and the first time he had ever taken it, it had been brewed by Severus. The first time, and every time since, until now.

 _Severus_. The thought of him now made Remus' skin crawl with the memory of thousands of caresses he couldn't take back, murderous hands demanding of him, bending him, pushing him to the edge of pleasure.

His stomach lurched in a way that wasn't entirely due to the memories.

Even knowing how dangerous Wolfsbane could be, how difficult it was to brew properly, and how dangerous the current political climate was for him, it hadn't stopped Remus from purchasing some this month from a vendor he didn't know and should not have trusted. It hadn't stopped him from taking it either, even when his sensitive sense of smell told him something wasn't quite right about it. 

It hardly seemed to matter anymore if he died. He'd ruined his life. Hers as well. They'd probably be better off without him.

Still, it was almost with wonder that he felt his entire body revolt. His bones broke and shifted back into human form and he crumpled to the ground, the impact wrenching a cry from him. He didn't remember making a sound, but he heard it, almost in a detached sort of way. If felt as though he'd fallen from a far greater height, not just his own two feet. His stomach burned acidic, but he couldn't seem to make himself vomit, even to rid himself the pain, in spite of the swimming nausea that was almost overwhelming.

"Remus!"

Small hands gripped his shoulder, scorching his skin like white hot metal, and turned him. He was vaguely aware, though his daze, that Dora's hair was black, a stark contrast with the ghostly white colour her face had turned, as she shoved a bezoar in his mouth.

The pain didn't end. It only dulled slightly. He realized he was wrapped in a blanket and didn't remember that happening at all. Was it cold? It was summer. Yet, he was shaking... He didn't have enough time for his mind to put things together before two sets of arms hoisted him off the ground making him feel as if his body would be rent in two.

"Just leave me!" he moaned, eyes watering.

"Remus, we're not going to leave you. We're taking you home."

 _Home_. His gut twisted again in a way that had nothing to do with the poison.

It took two weeks for Remus to work the poison out of his body. Two weeks in bed, the first of which he spent unable to even feed himself. St. Mungo's would probably have had him going again in a matter of days, but it wasn't safe for him to just walk into the hospital anymore.

Dora and her parents had been diligent in his care. In spite of knowing how thoroughly he had ruined his life and theirs, it was this that made Remus wish he had died, guilt welling up inside of him. They were caring for him with all the love and devotion family should. They were his family. And yet, he didn't want them. He didn't want her...

He didn't know what he wanted anymore, if he was truthful with himself. But he knew it wasn't _this_.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

_The Shrieking Shack. Be early. I will be expecting payment, of course._

Remus clutched the note in his fingers, the sharp, spiky scrawl as familiar as if it were just yesterday that Severus used to leave him notes of an entirely different nature, ones that no one but he would have understood had they found them, but had never failed to send a shiver down his spine.

It wasn't a shiver that shook him this time, but a chill, ice running through his body as he stepped across the threshold of the shack, forking his fingers through his hair.

"Well, well, well..."

Remus spun to see Severus was already here, looking more than a little smug.

"You groveled so prettily in your letter, I simply had to see it in person. You asking help of me, even after all I've done. Allow me a moment to bask in the moment, wolf."

Remus flinched and then cursed himself for it. "We're back to 'wolf' again, are we?"

Severus hadn't called him that since the first time they'd met in private, when Severus' fingers had played their way up Remus' spine before tangling and pulling at his hair, fucking him so hard Remus couldn't remember his own name. The thought made Remus cringe now, and he shook his head to rid himself of the image and how uneasy it made him to think he'd ever thought he might have been more than a play thing to Severus.

"Would you prefer 'beast'?"

"I would prefer 'Lupin.'"

Severus was leaning against a table that looked too rickety to hold his weight. His expression was difficult to read. "Let me guess, you took the potion last month and almost died of it."

Remus didn't answer.

"We would be lucky if all of your kind were as idiotic. We would certainly be rid of you all faster." Severus shifted, pulling a sealed and shrunken chalice from his pocket and unshrinking it before eyeing Remus again. There was a hint of suspicion in his eyes. "Why do you trust I won't kill you?"

Remus could have laughed. As it was, he expelled a breath that was a mockery of laughter, face unsmiling. "I don't, really. But I expect that if you want to kill me rather than help me, you'll at least get it right the first time."

Severus seemed un-fazed, though the suspicion in his eyes faded. "I should have expected you to say as much. You always take the easy way out, don't you?"

A chill washed over Remus, and then anger exploded in his stomach. It was true. It was true of his years as a student. It was true of how he'd fled England after the first war left him utterly alone. It was true of his return, of his marriage, of his desire to run off with Harry instead of face his life... and it was true of this. Severus would either help him and he'd live with a little less pain, or he'd kill him, and he wouldn't feel anything any more.

He wasn't sure if he was angrier at Severus, or at himself, but it hardly seemed to matter. He just wanted to hit Severus. Not curse him or hex him. He wanted to feel his fist collide with that sharp jaw... but Severus was still holding the chalice delicately, so he forced the anger down.

"How much do you want?" Remus asked finally, jaw clenched so tight it was a wonder the words could even escape.

"I don't want your money."

"What?" The question, sounding a little less angry and more surprised than Remus would have wanted, came out before Remus had the chance to stop it. Severus had said he'd wanted payment.

Severus didn't answer at first. He only sat the cup on the table he was resting against and stepped toward Remus. Remus stepped back, but Severus only stepped in again, and this time he didn't stop advancing. Remus didn't know what to think. His mind was racing. He knew that he ought to be drawing his wand, doing _something_ to protect himself, but he seemed to freeze. The thought that maybe he didn't want to protect himself flitted through his mind as Severus moved, seemingly unnaturally fast now. As quickly as his mind was spinning, however, it all came to a screeching halt when he felt Severus' hand hooked itself under the top of his trousers. 

"Or, should I say, _your wife's_ money," Severus hissed, punctuating the move with a barb.

Remus instinctively took Severus' wrist and twisted it out of his trousers, and Severus flinched just barely at what had to be painful. It was satisfying to see. "Don't ever touch me again," he growled.

Severus allowed Remus to hold his wrist in its painfully twisted position, but he leaned in anyway, pressing himself against Remus and hissing in his ear. "Not even for old times' sake? Surely even you aren't so dim as to not see that this is a win-win situation."

Remus pushed away, but Severus held his position. "You–" Remus started, and then stopped. "What would you be getting out of it?"

Severus bit lightly into the muscle of Remus' neck and it made Remus shiver, immediately trying to push Severus off him again. This time he was more successful, and Severus looked up at him blankly.

"A fuck?" Severus suggested. "I have my reasons."

"No," Remus said, releasing Severus' wrist finally.

Severus stepped back, eying Remus for a moment, before turning from him. "Suit yourself." He walked back to the table and re-shrunk the goblet. He shoved it in his pocket tersely and left the room. Remus had the desperate instinct to beg him to stop, to call after him that he could easily pay for the potion, but he held his tongue. 

Severus _wanted_ him to beg, after all.

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ 

 

Remus didn't know what was worse, nearly being poisoned to death or transforming without any potion at all after having grown so used to it over the last few years. When his mood was off in human form, it seemed to be amplified in wolf form, and he'd come out of his last transformation a mess, having appeared to have tried to tear his heart from his chest. It probably didn't help that he'd suppressed the wolf for so many years. He had felt its rage even before his body had started to shift.

He supposed the only advantage of going without potion was that he healed much faster than he had the month he'd taken the potion that had almost killed him, so he returned to the shack again the following month. It was the only place he felt safe transforming without the Wolfsbane.

He was not expecting to find Severus there, but when he walked into the room, Severus was seated in a chair, looking perhaps a little thinner and, amazingly, paler than he had the month before.

"What are you doing here?" he asked darkly.

"I thought you might have reconsidered my terms." Severus looked up and arched a challenging brow. "Sounded dreadful last month."

Remus was about to snap at Severus when the words sunk in. "You... listened?"

"It was entertaining enough."

" _Fuck you_."

Severus only hummed in reply, a flat little sound that indicated nothing, leaving his eyes on Remus in a way that was a little unsettling. It reminded him of the hunger he used to see in Severus' eyes when Severus had wanted him in the past, only it was a little tempered with something Remus couldn't place. 

"How do I know you won't use me and then poison me anyway?" Remus asked, and then wondered where the question even came from. He hadn't intended to even indulge Severus' idea hypothetically.

"If I did that, I wouldn't be able to do it again next month," Severus said casually. "Besides, either way, you'd get what you wanted, relief from pain or relief from living."

"No," Remus said, more to himself than to Severus.

"Let me get this straight, Lupin," Severus started. "You came the first time prepared to let me kill you, and yet you won't let me fuck you? As logical as ever."

"I'm not a whore." Somewhere in the back of his head, if Remus was honest with himself, the thought was tempting. He didn't love Dora. He didn't want her hovering over him while he healed, and he wouldn't need her to if he had the potion to keep him from ripping himself to shreds like he'd tried to the month before.

"Call it whatever you will."

"I'm married." That argument sounded weak even to Remus' own ears.

"And does she know you're here?"

Remus hadn't expected the question. It seemed to hang in the air for a moment, and Remus could only blink at Severus.

"Does she know you tried to make a deal with a murderer?" Severus seemed to be staring right through him, and Remus didn't have a damn thing to say that would do anything to dispel the cocky expression that was slowly forming on Severus' face. "Becoming the status quo, finally attaining a 'normal,' married life not agreeing with you?" 

Remus knew it was a snare. He knew it when Severus started talking, but Severus confirmed it when he deliberately withdrew the potion from his pocket at this exact moment. It was a challenge. He could give in and agree, taking the potion in exchange for himself... or he could lie to Severus, a lie that was so transparent it held no weight whatsoever.

He really had nothing to lose, not his marriage, because he didn't want it anyway, and certainly not his dignity. The very fact that he was sitting here with Severus, negotiating with him instead of trying to strangle the life out of him for taking so much away from him, was proof enough he didn't have any of that left. So he was back to the pain, and the option to relieve it or endure it.

"You're disgusting," he muttered. Severus didn't react. "Give me the potion." He'd expected the words to be harder to say, but he found himself surprisingly numb.

Severus stood and walked to Remus, leaving the cup where he had been sitting. "There's time enough. You'll have it when I'm done." His cold, thin fingers closed on Remus' wrists, and Remus tensed.

"Far be it for you to trust me to fulfill my part in this," Remus said, his voice icy. Severus leaned up, pressing his lips to Remus'.

Remus couldn't kiss him back. It was so intimate, and Remus was having a hard time processing that Severus wasn't simply stripping him and having his way with him. Still, Severus' tongue teased Remus' lips, nipping at them until it seemed obvious that Remus wasn't going to give back. Severus pulled away enough to look up at Remus, frown line creased as he regarded Remus.

"Do you have to–" Remus started, but Severus cut him off.

"I'll take my payment how I like, or I'll leave you without your potion."

Remus could tell he was serious. Severus was standing ramrod straight, eyes unwaveringly fixed on his own as if waiting for some confirmation before continuing.

"Fine," Remus grumbled after a long pause, and Severus leaned in again.

It was wrong, so _very_ wrong that Severus was kissing him like he was. The slide of his tongue was almost gentle in a way that he'd never kissed Remus before, each kiss melting into the next. Remus was trying to ignore it, ignore the little tingles of pleasure it sent through his brain. He shouldn't enjoy this. He _wouldn't_ enjoy this.

The fingers circling his wrists released and slid to his waist, and then Severus was walking Remus back until his back hit the wall of the shack. Severus pressed his body flush against Remus'. 

Remus was trying to stay focused. He didn't have much dignity left, but he wasn't going to lose it to Severus. Not like this. He was giving only what it was necessary to give, and yet even opening his mouth a little, circling his tongue in a way that made it seem like he wanted to kiss Severus, was a little dizzying. Severus' body moved up and the slide of fabric between them heated Remus' chest, his thighs, his groin... and he immediately felt heat flood his face at the way his cock stirred.

There was something strange, something gentle to Severus' movements, as if he was trying to memorize Remus' body. Cool fingers slid under his shirt, tracing the criss-cross of new scars as teeth started to bite down his jaw.

Remus tilted his head back, breath shortening slightly, small shivers running through him at the feel of teeth against his skin. When Severus moved again, it was deliberate, a sharp thrust against him. He was already hard, and the press of his length against Remus' hip wrenched a tiny groan from Severus' lips... and Remus felt his resolve begin to crack.

This was easy, he told himself. Remus didn't have enough easy in his life right now. He'd made so many decisions based on how easy they were that he'd backed himself into a rather difficult spot.

Easy... but it was also repulsive, completely degrading, and filthy. Severus was a murderer, a spy, a liar, and yet he was rutting against Remus and it was all Remus could do not to groan himself at the way his body was responding. Severus was pulling his shirt over his head, and Remus found his arms un-protesting, raising so that Severus could toss his shirt aside.

"Isn't this beneath you now?" Remus hissed, if for no other reason that to distract himself from Severus' fingers tugging open his belt buckle. It didn't work. His focus seemed glued to what Severus was doing. "The model Death Eater fucking a dark creature?"

"I've never been the model _anything_. And you say that as though I haven't done it before," Severus muttered, his lips and tongue leaving a trail of fire over Remus' collarbone, his touches still soft and oddly soothing.

"Yeah, but now you're–"

Severus moved faster than he thought possible to bite at Remus' lip, sending a jolt of pain through him which made Remus squirm, his cock pressing against his pants uncomfortably. " _You_ have changed," Severus whispered, breath hot against Remus' lips. "Your perspective has been forcibly altered. I haven't changed at all."

And whatever spell Severus had been under that made his touches light and caressing seem to instantly lift as Severus yanked the leather from Remus' trousers. Remus was shoved back against the wall with enough force to knock him a little breathless and thin lips and teeth devoured him, his lips, his jaw, his ear, his Adam's apple. The shift threw Remus a little and he barely noticed when his trousers and pants were shoved to the floor.

"Yeah. You had us all fooled, didn't you?" Remus found himself asking, because if he could just keep talking maybe he could ignore the way Severus made his body remember what it felt like to be touched like there was no other reason for your body to feel.

Severus didn't answer. His tongue was trailing over a scar that bisected one of Remus' nipples, and Remus couldn't stop his hand from going to Severus' hair, forking themselves into the oily, black locks and groaning. "All of us," Remus continued, his voice tight, though it was getting difficult to tell if it was tight with repulsion or desire. "Even Albus."

Severus' teeth clamped down on Remus' nipple so hard that Remus cried out, trying to pull away, but finding that doing so only hurt him more. He suddenly couldn't breath, couldn't think, and the room went still. Severus didn't move or lighten the hold his teeth had on the delicate flesh, he only curled his fingers into Remus' sides, making it clear he wouldn't release until Remus submitted to the pain. And Remus knew from experience he had to. It took a little longer than usual, but his body slowly unwound, breath heavy but no longer tight.

As soon as he did, Severus turned him, making a small, agitated noise and pressed him into the wall... and the friction suddenly against his cock threatened to undo him. He'd been trying to forget his desire, to pretend that this was all Severus and that he wasn't responding to it, but he groaned and automatically thrust his hips against the wall. It was hard and cold, but it was something.

Severus sank his teeth into the muscles of his back, again and again, lower and lower, and the trail of heat it left made Remus want to press into it, to beg for more, but he wouldn't. It wasn't until Severus dropped to his knees behind him and pressed his tongue against Remus' hole that Remus moaned. How could he not with Severus' tongue circling his entrance?

It was torture. Severus' tongue was lapping at him, flicking over the sensitive pucker and then Severus was covering it with his mouth and kissing it. Remus bit his lip, squirmed, tried not to whimper, but he couldn't stop it from coming out of his lips. Severus' hands pressed him into the wall, spreading him and the delicious torture ended a little too soon. 

...And then Remus felt a burst of air and slick saliva against his hole as Severus spit. The warm slick fluid slid down, dripping between his arse cheeks, tickling him as Severus stood, drew the tip of his cock though the trail of spit that way trying to trickle away from its intended target. Remus hadn't even heard him unzip his trousers, but without any further preparation, Severus sank inside of him.

It was almost blinding, the burn, the pain, and Remus scrabbled at the wall because there was nothing else to sink his nails into, crying out once before he bit his lip to stop himself. The spit wasn't nearly enough lubrication, and Severus knew it, too. But something about the pain was welcome, because Remus was choosing this pain. Severus started moving, and this time Remus managed to only grunt and shift, trying not to let Severus have the satisfaction of making him groan in pain... and _pleasure_ , he realised, as his body grew accustomed to the new sensation.

"Are you happy now, Snape?" Remus asked, voice hoarse as Severus pressed into him, and then he groaned a little at the way each stroke, each thrust, had his cock grinding into the wall. Severus had dropped his head to Remus' shoulder, fingers gripping Remus' hips as he pushed and pulled, taking from Remus' body. "You fooled us all," Remus went on.

Severus only hummed, a little non-committal noise, and sped up. It was difficult to concentrate. Between the burning slide of Severus' cock inside him, barely brushing his prostate in a way Remus was sure was unintentional, and the way he was being pushed against the wall, it was becoming hard to breathe, but if Remus was going to allow this, he wasn't going to just let Severus take anything from him any longer.

Remus closed his eyes, surrendering to the sensations, his body starting to hum with pleasure, coiling in his stomach no matter what his mind wanted. "Albus, Minerva... me," he continued to list the names of people Severus had fooled, and Severus punctuated each name with a hard trust, making Remus grunt, trying to focus on what he was saying instead of the growing ache in his groin and the way his balls were starting to tighten. 

He expelled a breath that might have been a laugh. "James and Sirius were the only ones who were right about you, weren't they?" Remus moaned a little when Severus shoved into him again with brutal force. "Lily, too, you almost had Lily fool–"

Severus' fingers closed tight around Remus' neck before he could finish, the knuckle of Severus' index finger jammed up against the underside of Remus' jaw, just the right angle to cut off his air. For a moment, everything stopped. Severus froze, panting heavily, the fingers on Remus' neck trembling just a little. Remus wondered inanely if he'd gone too far, if Severus was going to kill him right here with his bare hands, cock still buried inside him. His hands automatically went for Severus', and Severus started to thrust again, but it was different now. His thrusts were sharp, fast, almost urgent, and he forced Remus' body against the wall each time he pistoned against him.

The burn of Severus forcing himself inside and the fingers clamped tightly around his neck hurt, but his cock refused to flag, and a slight dizziness washed over him as the breath left him. He couldn't help but notice the way he suddenly seemed more interested in the tingling in his groin than the pain, but it was growing into a more detached sort of interest the longer Severus' fingers held his neck. The wall somehow didn't feel as hard against him anymore. 

Remus scrabbled at Severus' knuckles, but made no progress. It didn't seem to matter anyway. He slumped against the wall, letting Severus grind him into it and before he knew it he was coming, barely aware that he shouldn't be, crying out as the waves of pleasure crashed down all around him as if nothing but the pulsing release of his cock mattered... and the clenching around Severus' cock must have been enough, because Severus followed right after him, stilling and groaning almost silently against the back of Remus' neck and scrabbling at his hips with the hand that wasn't clenched on Remus' neck.

The hand on Remus' neck dropped away and Remus gasped for breath, his senses suddenly returning to him with such force he might have fallen if he hadn't been pressed between Severus' bony body and the wall. For a moment, it seemed like there was nothing in the room but two heated bodies, panting against one another, but the haze was broken when Severus pulled away. He wasn't gentle in pulling out. In fact, he moved as quickly as if he'd been burned.

Remus could hear the zip of his trousers and turned around to look at the other man. Had Severus been dressed? He might as well have been, as it appeared he had only unzipped himself. Severus was straightening his clothes without looking up, and Remus didn't feel the need to dress, as he'd just be stripping his clothes off again when he felt the moon's pull.

It was the oddest feeling watching Severus now. He was fairly certain he hadn't felt so relaxed since before Albus had been murdered. It wasn't exactly the orgasm, either. 

"Get what you wanted, Snape?" he asked.

Severus looked up, eyes narrowed. "It was satisfactory," he replied with a sneer, and headed toward the door of the shack.

Remus moved to pick up the chalice, glancing back at Severus' retreating form. He considered for a moment, before he spoke... but he was sure, for the first time since things had started to go wrong for him. He was sure for the first time in many months what he wanted. "Same time next month?"

Severus paused in the doorway, but he didn't turn around, then after a long pause, he spoke. "Should I have the time to waste on you, perhaps." And in a whir of black robes, he was gone.

He'd gotten to Severus, and that was apparent, and it made him feel more in control of this than he would have thought possible. He'd given his body without giving anything, and what he'd gotten - a piece of Severus that was more raw than he'd seen before, the chance to rub salt in those wounds just for a moment - was more satisfying than he'd expected. And to know that Severus was truly miserable enough to consider letting it happen again was... well, Remus wasn't sure what that meant, but he felt a little smug about it anyway. Severus had made his bed.

Remus, surprisingly, felt more in control of his life than he had in some time, even if it was only just for now in this place. The bitter edge of the potion couldn't stop Remus from grinning after Severus... and for the first time since May, it was a genuine smile.


End file.
